Dreams
by KiraSakura
Summary: Dreams are nothing but dreams. You'll always wake up. Rated T because I think that means PG.


**Me: Hi!! This is a freakishly insightful fanfic…at least according to a few of my precious reviewers.**

**Sanzo: You couldn't write anything insightful if you tried…everything you write is C R A P. **

**Me: I am perfectly aware of that, Sanzo.**

**Hakkai: Leave the poor girl alone; at least she's trying.**

**Me:::Pokes tongue out at Sanzo:: Yeah, so get off my back!**

**Goku: Umm…why am I here again?**

**Me::Holds large bag of meat buns:: You'll get all these if you do the disclaimer for me, and if you put on this cute widdle bunny outfit and ask the readers to review. ::Holds up outfit:: **

**Goku: I dunno…**

**Me::Holds up two bags::**

**Goku: DEAL::Puts on bunny outfit::**

**Goku: DISCLAIMER: Thingy here does not own Saiyuki, although she wishes to the heavens above she could.**

**Me: My name IS NOT Thingy!**

**Goku: What's your name then?**

**Me: Call me…umm…I know! Call me CGWHG!**

**Sanzo: What the hell does mean?**

**Me: Crazy Girl Who Hates Goats!!**

**Hakkai: …**

**Gojyo: Seriously?**

**Me: You got a problem with that?**

**All: Yes**

**Me: Well…how about Kira Sakura? **

**Hakkai: Shining Cherry Blossom? **

**Me: Yeah!!**

**All (except Sanzo): Yeah!**

**Sanzo: I don't care what you call yourself; you'll always a Baka in my eyes**

**Me::Produces giant sword:: You, my dear monk, are DEAD::Runs after screaming Sanzo::**

**Hakkai: Goku, please ask the readers to review**

**Goku: Could you pretty please with sugar on top review Kira-chan? It would her and my day::Blows a kiss::**

**Gojyo: Aww…isn't that cute!**

**Goku: I'm not getting paid enough for this**

**Hakkai::Laughing his hot head off::**

A dream will always be nothing but a dream. A place where you're sub-conscious reins supreme. You will always wake up. For some, a dream is a wonderful thing. For others, a horrible nightmare, which will haunt them for days to come…

Hakkai stared at the ceiling. Paint was pealing off it, and bugs where plastered along it (A/N Much like my bathroom). He sighed to himself mentally. Sleep. He needed it, sometimes welcomed it, but he always dreaded it. His past would haunt him.

Sometimes he would dream of Kanan and him running through the waves of the ocean, walking through a field. He would dream of her cooking, which often didn't taste that great, but he still ate it anyway. He would see himself plaiting her long brown hair, which had eventually grown too long for her to plait herself. He would remember the nights they had shared together, of the morning afterwards, when he would wake up early and make her a delicious breakfast. He would dream of the day he had come home and told her he had gotten a job. She had been so joyous. So proud of him. She had boasted about it to all of the neighbours.

Then it happened. Why hadn't he known? Why couldn't he of sensed it? Why hadn't he been able to stop her from dying? He had killed one thousand demons, become a demon himself, and she still died. He watched her, desperately trying to convince her to stop, when the knife slit her throat. He had watched her blood spurt from her neck, the brief second of intense pain cross her face, and then the way her body crumpled to the floor. He would of have accepted the child. Hell, his best friend was a half-breed, what was wrong with a half-breed child? Even if it wasn't his.

He would of still treated it like his own. But then he would always remember that for Kanan, watching that child would have been torture. She would of have loved it, he was sure, but he knew it was the fact that it wasn't his. She had claimed it a monster, but he had seen her eyes. Her eyes, so green and pure, scarred. Her eyes had betrayed her words. Then he remembered the way Chin Yisue had mocked him for his loss. He had killed that demon, just like the others, and become the creature he now was. That was what it always boiled down to. Although a thousand lives had been lost, he had still lost her. Although he would never admit it, it was her fault he was this way.

Oh, it wasn't her fault for being captured. It wasn't her fault he had killed. It was her fault for killing herself. If she had lived, the smiles he smiled would have been real. He wouldn't of met Gojyo, Sanzo or Goku. He wouldn't be travelling day-in, day-out. He wouldn't have to push his dragon to his limits. Then again, she would have probably been killed by the other demons that had gone berserk. She would of have died anyway.

Dying was a natural part of life. Without death, there can't be life. But why did she have die that way? She had died with so much pain in her heart, he doubted she would of have survived living with that. Either way, she was gone and there was nothing he could do about it except move on. And yet…

Gojyo bent over his sleeping friend. He smiled to himself. Hakkai hardly ever slept without waking in the night from dreams. But they had to move on. They had to complete their journey. Sleep wasn't a luxury they had been granted. No, it was a need rarely fulfilled.

"Hey, Hakkai, wake up –" Gojyo paused. Hakkai was mumbling in his sleep. Gojyo bent down to hear.

"I'm sorry Kanan. Wait for me. Wait for me in heaven, where we can raise our child together" Gojyo smiled. He would let Hakkai sleep for another five minutes.

**Me: I'm back**

**Gojyo: Lord have mercy!!**

**Hakkai: Don't be mean to Kira-chan!!**

**Me: Aww…thanks Hakkai**

**Gojyo:???**

**Sanzo: Call…call…call a ambulance…slowly…dying…from being stabbed…in the side…**

**Me: NO! You deserved it, you prick!  
**

** Goku::Dialling 000, or 911, whatever you people call it::**

**Me: GOKU!! See if I ever pay you again!**

**Goku: Fine by me ::Drags Sanzo off to the ambulance:: **

**Me: Hakuryu…**

**Hakuryu: Kyuu…**

**Me: Would you like to-**

**Hakkai: NO!!**

**Me: Aww…oh, well. I'm tired, angry and want to kill. Good night all!!**


End file.
